Monday, April 16, 2007

Silence - Part Deux

I am worried about her. Do I have a right to be? Probably not, but I don't care. It has been several days since we last spoke, and I miss her voice. She wrote me a letter a couple of days ago (phrases like "you are simply too much for words..."), along with a promise to call, but the call never came. Why? It doesn't make sense to me. My mind goes into dark places, wondering what might have happened. Was she in an accident? Is someone threatening her? Did she have to leave suddenly? Is she in trouble? What would I do? I would drop everything and run to help her. How? Would I sell my car? Sure, beg-borrow-steal-whatever. I wish I could call someone to make sure that she is okay. Honestly, I wish I could be there in person, to make sure myself. Three hours by plane. Yes, but then what? check hospitals? obituaries? police stations? How would I survive in a city that I do not know? Where would I begin my search? What if I found her, safe, but not alone? That would be a sad trip back home. Yes, it would be; let's think about something else.

I am helpless to help her. I am powerless to shield her. I can do nothing but wait. Well, dummy, you could call her. Yes, but she said that she would call me. What if this is some sort of test? She has already said (on several occasions) that she is afraid of commitment. Perhaps my romantic gesture was too much? Perhaps she is afraid that we are getting too close? If that were the case, then my calling her would only serve to make the situation worse. Okay, compromise. I checked the newspaper. No horrible apartment fires, no killer on the loose, no fatal accidents, her name is not in the obituaries. So can you rest easier now? Maybe.

Dear God, I hope that she is okay. I know that we don't talk much, and you don't owe me any favors, but I have always been an honest man, and I try my best to lead a good life. Please do me a favor and look out for her. Don't let harm come to her. Keep her safe. If you do this, I promise to be even better; as a matter of fact, I will even try to get to church at least once this year. (Amen.)

To you, it might seem like I am over reacting, but I really care about her, and I want to know that she is safe ... I will try to be patient and wait one more day before I call her, but my mind will not rest easy; I hope that she is okay.

Dear God - p.s. - if you take her life away, I don't think I could ever forgive you. Please don't take that as a threat; it's just an honest man speaking from his heart. (Amen.)


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