Another Soldier

Brace yourselves for bad news.

Found out last week that a friend of mine has cancer. It's already at stage 4, and has spread to three of her major organs. She starts chemotherapy this week, and it's going to be very intense (and therefore very difficult).

Tonight, I'm going to participate in another "walk" (it's an event that different groups do to raise awareness, encourage donations, and honor those who are currently fighting cancer, have survived cancer, or have died as a result of cancer.) Tonight's walk is supposed to be just for lymphoma, but I don't draw a line between different types. I think of all cancer awareness events as being worthy of my time.

More bad news.

Last time I heard from Angel, her father was fighting stage 3 cancer. That was over a month ago, and I haven't heard anything since. Angel is really close to her dad, she really cares about him and spends a lot of time with him, so it must be incredibly difficult for her right now.

My heart is heavy as I walk tonight. If you believe in prayer, please pray for Marilyn, and Lawrence (and Angel too).

Best wishes,
Doug

Choices

"Liberty is the right to choose...
Freedom is the result of the right choice."

-Unknown-

Play Nice

Attention mean people:

Please stop trying to use my words to hurt other people.

If you have an issue with me, you are welcome to talk with me about it.

If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. Just be quiet; don't say anything.

You hurt my friend's heart, and that is NEVER okay with me.

Please. Try to be nice.

Thank you.

Seed

Can't escape this feeling.
This love isn't dead.

We poisoned it with hurt and anger.
We smothered it with empty routines.
We starved it with inattention and silence.
We burned it with fear and mistrust.

We did so little to keep it alive,
... but the stubborn thing still surives.

Love's seeds are on the ground, waiting.
Winter's cold will claim many of them.
Some will be trampled and crushed.
Others will dry up and wither.

But if even one tiny seed survives.
The whole tree can bloom again.

Amazing.

Summer Daze

Before the breakup, I bought tickets to a play.
It was 4 weeks later.
But we decided to go through with it.
We would go together, as friends.
Prove to ourselves that we could get along and be civil.

I got the time mixed-up, so we were way too early.
It was a sunny day, and we decided to hang together.
We talked and laughed and held hands.
We cleared things up, we were honest with each other.
It was wonderful, easy, natural, magical.

We both had a really great time.
So wonderful to experience that joy.
Nice to remember "why" we fell in love, (that we weren't totally wrong).
So easy to fall in love again. So easy.
And then the day was over.

Thank you for that day.
A day of love.

The Answers

I was driving in my car a couple of nights ago, thinking about two unanswered questions that had been nagging me. "I bet I'll never get a real answer", I told myself. "I just wish I knew the truth. It would help me decide what to do."

Then, a small voice inside me said, "you already got your answers, remember?"

For some reason, I thought back to the two mysterious answers that I received from the shaman woman (three days before I actually asked my questions). When I rephrase the first question into the one piece of information that I really wanted to know, it all became clear to me. The answers are "yes", and "no", in that exact order.

I laughed out loud. Leave it to the spirit guides to give you the answers to questions that you haven't even asked yet. The moment was priceless. It all made sense. Wow!

I am good, I am whole, I am blessed.
I know the answers, and I'm okay with it.
There is magic in this world, and I can tap into it.

My thanks to the source of Universal Goodness.
I am amazed, and I am humbled.
Life is good.

Home Base

An awesome thing happened to me yesterday.

I was approached by a colleague who wants me to participate in a public speaking gig next month. In this case, I'm going to be a featured panelist along with two other people in different, but complimentary careers. Each of us will provide a brief presentation on our chosen area of expertise, and then we will answer questions posed by the audience. Yep, it's a professional seminar, and I am going to be speaking, and this is exactly the sort of thing that I want to be doing in my next career. (Terrific opportunity!)

It's so interesting the way that life keeps pulling you downstream (if you let it). I've been telling people for more than a year that my next career - or better said, the next part of my career - would be writing and speaking. A few weeks ago, a friend invited me to a writing class, and this week I've been asked to speak. Shazam!

My future is coming to get me, and I am simultaneously excited and a bit intimidated. I am honored that I would be accepted into the ranks of speakers and writers without the benefit of a formal education, and I am thrilled to have the opportunity. I guess people want to hear what I have to say, because I've been there, I've lived it, I've done it, I've proven myself (I know what I am talking about).

I think about this new life, and then I think about Eve. We had a conversation recently, where she described what she was wanting for herself. She described a "home base", where she would feel welcome all the time, where she could recover her energy and then be ready to go out and tackle the world again. It's a good goal, a desirable goal. I smiled to myself when she was describing it, because in this case, she and I are looking for exactly the same thing. Explains a lot.

If I'm going to travel (to speak at seminars and events, and to consult with different companies here and abroad), I'd like to have the peace of mind that comes with having a "home base". A space that makes me feel relaxed and comfortable. People living inside that care about me, who are warm and active and happy, so that when I come back from my travels, it's to a living home, not to a cold empty room. (I like that picture.) This was the primary motivator for wanting to "settle down" sooner rather than later. I have this urge to build a nest.

I'm still moving forward with that plan. One way or another, I'm going to build a "home base" of my own. A place that nourishes me. My castle, my keep, my family, (hopefully, my queen?). It is all part of this dream that I am building, and I feel the future coming right around the corner. (Life happens so FAST !!)

I figure in 3-4 months, I need to have my current home in order and be ready for a dramatic change in my work routine (traveling to different cities, etc). I can't say why, but it just feels like that's going to be the timeframe. I trust my intuition. I accept the blessings that life has to offer. I'm ready to start my new adventure. (Yippie-ki-yaaay!)

Six Pearls

Clarification:
When I mentioned the 'crystal bowl' ceremony in the last entry, I might have inferred that it was linked to Native American beliefs. Actually, the two are completely separate. The yurt is owned by a couple that honors the ways of the Lakota (check out the story of White Buffalo Woman). The interior of the yurt was adorned with leather and hoops, and smelled like sage, all Native American. However, the crystal bowls derive from Eastern mysticism (I believe Tibet), and were designed to unlock all of the different chakras of the body. Two worlds combined in one place, and it worked quite well.

Anyway, when I participated in the 'crystal bowl' ceremony on Friday, the Shaman (Hope) channeled a psychic message from her spirit guides. There were actually six parts to the message, and I quote them here, to the best of my ability:
(1) "you need to be more clear in communication, in what you are asking for"
(2) "you are going to have new opportunities with your job very soon"
(3) "this new job opportunity will involve lots of travel"
(4) "a new person is coming into your life, a new relationship, it will be important"
(5) "Yes"
(6) "No way"

My thoughts:

I suppose the first item is true. Well, obviously it must be true. When I consider the problems that Eve and I had to work through, most of them came down to a lack of clear communication. I often like to think that this is one of my strengths, but I did a poor job at delivering my message to her. I wanted to convey a message of love, freedom, happiness and mutual support. The message she got was insecurity, unhapiness, and desire to control. Clearly, I have some work to do in this area. (Okay, I have a lot of work to do in this area.)

The next two messages were no surprise. My intuition has been telling me this for quite some time, and this is right in line with where I want to be. (Yippie!)

The fourth message made me uneasy. I don't know whether I'm in or out of the current relationship, and I'm really not eager to start over with another person (especially this soon). When I described my concerns to her, Monica was quick to point out that the message didn't indicate what TYPE of relationship was coming my way (in other words, my involvement with the other person could be based on friendship, business, spirituality, etc). I suppose I'm open to that. I'm a little bit lonely, and I've got room in my life for a new face, or two, or three...

The last two messages are the most cryptic of all, because I wasn't asking any questions (verbally or nonverbally) that I know of. Not to say that I don't have questions on my mind, because I've got a ton of them. But I don't have them organized in any particular fashion, and knowing the specific answers doesn't do much good for me if I can't associate them with a question. (That's spirit guides for you: sometimes too vague to comprehend.) Oh well, maybe I'll look back one day with better understanding.

All in all, it was a really interesting experience, and I was glad to be there. I needed the healing, the group acceptance, and I was glad to receive the messages from the spirit world, even if I don't know what to do with some of the information that I was given.

I am blessed.

Earth Wisdom

The crackling of the wood stove could barely be heard above the croaks of the frogs and the barks of the dog. We had to take off our shoes, to ensure that we didn't track mud onto the rugs, blankets, and animal furs that formed the floor of the meeting place.

There were 14 of us: four men, and ten women. It was 6pm, and I had just arrived after a 90 minute drive from Denver. I should have been exhausted, but already, I felt at home. These were my kind of people, warm and genuine, simple and honest. Hugs were given freely, and smiles were the trendy fashion.

Allow me to introduce you to my newest best friend. I'll call her Monica, which means "counselor". Although I've known her for months, we really only started talking a few weeks ago. Like me, she is quiet and reserved (silent waters run deep). Like me, she listens to her intuition, and she helps people. Monica invited me to this place. To be honest, she's invited me before, but I've been too busy with other things. Still, I believe things happen when they are supposed to, so I don't get to stressed about it.

The leader of the event, a medicine woman that I will call "Hope", knew my name before I reached out to greet her. "Oh! You must be Doug. I've heard a lot about you - so glad you could make it tonight." It felt nice.

We were in a "yurt". [For those like me who don't know what a yurt is, is sort of like a "tribal hut", completely circular, with a dome ceiling. This one was pretty modern, with a polished stone floor instead of mud, glass windows and doors, and even electric outlets, but it still had all the charm and warmth of the classic structures.] The decor was all natural: wood, leather, fur, rocks, blankets. Nothing fake about it. Awesome.

For hours, we participated in a guided healing meditation. Hope believes in wave energy, and she uses sounds to create those vibrations. This time, she was using Quartz Crystal bowls to generate sounds that vibrated through our bodies (and into our spirit souls).

Anyway, I'm not sure if you can really call it spiritual, but one things that I've noticed about myself, is that nature has a very soothing effect on me. The immense gravity of the mountains, the cool and clean air, the noticeable healthiness of the planet in those places. It nourishes me. Ifeel good when I take the time to get outdoors. Sometimes I forget that.

So, there I was, in the middle of nature, surrounded by very genuine people, and listening to healing sounds. It felt good, so good. Some of the participants were regulars, and others, like Monica's boyfriend, a couple of the women, and myself, it was a first-time experience.

I greatly enjoyed it. My father and sister are both very connected to the Native American spiritual ways, but I never really got very deep into it. (This time, I did.)

It felt good to feel valued, wanted, and part of the group.
It felt good to be surrounded by friends. (Not "his" or "hers", just plain friends).
I'm going back today. This time I'm bringing my son. He's gonna love it!

Peace to all of you.
It's beautiful outside - enjoy the weather.

Doug

Different Roads

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost."

H. Jackson Browne ,  P. S. I Love You

CAD Project

I have nearly finished with the 3-D CAD representation of my house (finished basement and two levels, only one more floor to go). Took precise measurements with a LASER measuring device (how cool is that)!

The program I got (which took a massive 6 gigabytes of disk space) has a "walk through" feature that shows what everything inside the house will look like. It also lets me print a paper version of my house (using cardstock and paste). I'm really jazzed about the possibilities! This is fun!

On another note, last week, one of my friends told me that she was going to have to leave Denver. Yesterday, she sent me a letter telling me that she isn't going to leave after all. (Last-minute change in plans; not necessarily a good thing short term, but probably best for the long term). I'm very happy for that. She's a blessing to me.

H-Bomb

Today feels like an "H" day to me.

Adjectives:
happy, hesitant, honest, heckled, harsh, healing, humble, heartfelt, hopeful

Nouns:
honesty, home, heart, health, hair, habit, harmony, hamburgers, hooray, hugs, hello?

Lovers and Dreamers

I first heard the song "Rainbow Connection" when I was a teenager.
For some reason, it really stuck with me (-gasp- I actually liked a muppet song!)
One of my favoritist new singers (Jason Mraz) did a rendition recently, and I like his too.

I won't bother to write the words here. The lyrics are simple. Listen like a kid would.
When Kermit uses the word 'Dreamer', it doesn't sound like a negative thing.
Someday we'll find it. The rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and me.

Thanks for the song, Kermit/Jason
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggdoi0rgSjI&NR=1