Sunday, June 22, 2008

Letter to Eve

Introduction: We both had a great time Saturday at the "Can't Stop the Serenity" event. It is a wonderful event, and supports a really great cause (check it out). Anyway, afterwards, most of the Browncoats that attended the event, went to a party (called a shindig), including the two of us, more or less together. Good news is that everything went very well, it was a good evening.

The following text is extracted from a letter I sent to her afterward. I don't normally do that sort of thing (mix personal letters with blogs), but there are really a lot of good sentiments in that letter, and it kinda sums up a lot of the events over the last couple of months that have appeared in this blog, so - here goes.


I love you and I had a great time with you Saturday at the Browncoat screening and shindig.

The little things you did throughout the night (hugs, glances, cheering, support) made me feel really loved and appreciated. Hopefully, the little things I did throughout the night (hugs, glances, cheering, support) made you feel loved and appreciated too. It was nice to sit together during dinner. (Well, during those rare moments when we were both "actually" sitting down, that is).

I think we have that part worked out pretty well, now - - "how we interact at social events". I know it probably wouldn't work for anyone else, but it feels right - it feels appropriate - for you and me. We need space at social events, space to be individuals, space to freely interact with other people. We need it. But on a deeper level, we also want to stay connected to our partners (we don't want to feel cut-off from each other). We've both experienced being neglected or left-out. We understand the absolutely devastating feelings that can bring. We also understand that it's too easy to accidentally cause that sort of pain, so it's important that we watch out for each other.

The beauty is, I think we actually got there. We've figured out a way to keep the heart-strings intact, and yet be free to express ourselves as individuals. (It took several tries, and many, many hurt feelings in the process, but we've been doing it for the last several events - yaay us!)

I want to acknowledge our mutual achievement. I've always enjoyed one-on-one time with you, but the "social butterfly" part was sometimes painful for me. Now, I experience joy in both situations. Thank you for working through that with me.

No amount of "revisionist history" can change the basic facts. We've had fun, without losing connection, at the last several events (Browncoats and Stargate fans included). The solution we've created might not (probably would not) work for other people, but it works for us. That is a major accomplishment, and it took both of us to do it.

And I appreciate that you did/we did.
Thank you.


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