Tuesday, June 17, 2008


I'll be the first to admit that I have some issues.
I've been through some hard stuff - it changed me.
Often, I have a hard time just letting go and having fun.
But I have never hurt anyone physically or emotionally.
I am a good man, I have dedicated my life to helping others.
My only crime is that I have poor self-esteem.
I think I came out pretty good, considering.

With her friends, I am viewed as a stiff corporate type. (I know, I hear the comments.)
But that's not it - - if you thank that's all there is, you don't know me at all.
I choose to play a supporting role in life. I help the people that I love to become stars.
It makes me feel really good to see them having fun and enjoying themselves.
I take care of people. Even people that hate me. I try to always do good and be better.

Lately, it feels like I am being tried and convicted in the court of personal opinion.
People who don't know me (and haven't really taken the time to try) are judging me.
They don't have the moral courage to say anything to me; instead, they're telling Eve.
According to her, they say I am bad for her, dangerous, downer, voodoo, whatever.

She tells me that other people's opinions do not affect her, but it clearly bothers her.
If the goal was to divide the two of us, it seems to be having the desired effect.
She is so fearful about making the wrong choice, that she needs the opinions of others.
I am so worried about making a good impression, that I can't even relax around her friends.

What are these people trying to accomplish? Why can't they just be supportive?
If ANY two people find each other in this frakkin' world, we should ALL celebrate!

I have never experienced this sort of ostracism and prejudice before.
Condemned by people standing on the sidelines, in the shadows.
These people smile to my face and then stab me in the back. Cowards.

I will not return the favor. I have my honor.
I will not stoop to that level.

My fear, in this scenario, is that she will trust their opinions (about me),
more than she trusts her own experience, her own observation, her own intuition.

And that thought makes me very sad, because I'm nottrying to win a popular vote,
and I probably have no chance to do so (especially with this group of people).

I'm just a real person (with flaws) in love with another real person.

If I am going to be judged - - if that is how it has to be,
then I want it to be from her.
She has the right. Only her.
At least she took the time to get to know me first.

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