Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Climbing down

"She wasn't just another woman, and I couldn't keep from comin' on; it's been so long. Oh, and it's a hollow feelin', when it comes down to dealin' friends; it never ends. Take another shot of courage; wonder why the right words never come? You just get numb. It's another tequila sunrise. This old world still looks the same; another frame."  <...Eagles,"Tequila.Sunrise"-Lyrics-Listen...>

Day 3.

Returned to work today - everything went smooth. "How was your trip? You have a meeting in two minutes. The new candidate will be flying here on Friday; everything has been set up. We're glad to see you again. Can you sign this letter? Lori will be out for the rest of the week. The flow-charts are looking good. We need to move some project dates back; Microsoft has an offer they'd like us to hear. Did you get some rest?"

Really, when it comes right down to it, I do love my job. I have such a great team.

As the day goes on, fantasy is replaced by reality. Serotonin is replaced by adrenaline. Wishes are pushed aside to make room for obligations. I am coming down to Earth again. <Bummer>

Checked email. No word yet. Maybe I was deluding myself. Doubts begin to set in. Maybe I rushed in too quickly? (Hell yes, you did!) But still, there was something. It was there. Did she feel it too? Hard to read thoughts when your own head is buzzing.

Looked up her hometown on Mapquest. Not too far from Vancouver. Looks nice, at least on the map. // A river runs through it. // Reminds me of my time in Oregon. The mist that covered the Columbia River in the early mornings. The cool rain. The deep greens. The cloudy day that went on forever.

She must think I'm crazy. Maybe I was too intense - too forward.
Me: (dazed, gushing) "I think I'm totally infatuated with you."
Her: (reasoned, cool) "It feels good, doesn't it?"
Me: "Yes - yes, it does."

I begin to prepare myself for a possible let-down. What if I never hear from her again? Her loss, right? But it doesn't feel that way. It felt real to me. I resign myself to stay with it until I know for sure. Keep the candle burning. You've searched for years to finally find this girl; don't give up too soon. Give her time. Give her space. Breathe.

The love-sickness fades, and I find my appetite again.
Tonight, I sleep. Tomorrow will come.

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