Ugly

Tonight, I hit a bit of a low spot. I'm a little drunk, a little sad, a little hurt, and more than a little angry. I'm lonely and I'm alone. I feel ugly, inside and out.

You ever notice how the weaker dogs bark loud, and bark often? You ever notice how the stronger dogs wait to growl til they really mean it? Well, the following is a growl. It's my growl. It's a low, rumbling growl, but it's getting louder by the second.

It is especially directed to queen hornet and all of her little drones. I won't deny, it felt good to just say the words. But don't think that I don't mean it (because I do).

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Here's a handy recipe for making a friend into an enemy: {Some "friends" I met earlier this year passed this recipe along to me - try it, it really works!}

1. Judge me from a distance. Don't talk to me directly, talk about me behind my back.
2. Accuse me of having feelings or motives or issues that you actually have yourself.
3. Take some good things I've done and retell the story so it makes me sound bad.
4. Create gatherings. Invite other people that we both know but don't invite me.
5. Try to get others to join your "side". Form a movement against me.
6. Pretend to be a good person. Smile to my face. Be friendly in public.

Earlier this year, I held out my hand in friendship. I tried to make the best of a very difficult situation. I was meek and apologetic and striving hard to make peace. I was honest and genuine and open-hearted.

But instead of being my friend, you betrayed me. I tried to share, and you tried to steal. You lied about yourself to my face, and then you lied to others about me. You stabbed at my heart, and when that was no longer effective, you went after those closest to me.

In the past, I really tried to forgive. I am one of the most patient and peaceful people on the planet. I always try to hold my head high and avoid trouble. I walk away whenever I can. In this case, I walked away, multiple times. (I let you win, multiple times.)

Now, I regret to inform you, that you have successfully brought me down to your level. You have made me into your enemy. I didn't want it to be this way, but you insisted.

From this point forward, there is no more patience in me. I'm on a hair-trigger, and I'm very much tuned into your tactics. All you have to do is cross the line once - just once - and I will come at you with a vengeance like you've never seen before.

I am not attacking, but I am FIRMLY standing my ground.
It's your turn to walk away. (I suggest you do so.)

Stay away from me; stay out of my circles. Find someone else to focus on. Find another obsession. If you insist on provoking me, there will be hell to pay. Talk won't fix this any more. Go away, and don't come back.

Leave me and mine alone.
You have been warned.
The clock is ticking.

p.s. Number one way to ensure that I can't trust you: Lie to me. Repeatedly. (Assume that I'm just too dumb to know better.)