Sunday, November 23, 2008

Re-Connecting

The last several days have been about re-connecting with friends and family.

Tuesday evening, I went to a Pink Floyd concert with my son, my father, and my best friend/roommate. It was the first time that my son and I have been to a rock concert together, and it was nice to experience that, to do an "adult" thing with him, and have it all be cool. The concert itself was awesome, too. As my friend so aptly put it, calling Australian Pink Floyd a "cover band" would be an insult. They are an homage. They are a note-for-note reproduction of the original, and they put on a truly spectacular show.

Thursday evening, I visited my friend from work. She is currently fighting stage 4 cancer, and she just finished her sixth week of chemotherapy. Needless to say, she's lost some weight, and she's lost some hair, and she was feeling pretty weak. But we had a great conversation, and it turned out to be a really good visit. I'm going to put together a charity auction to help her pay medical bills, so watch for that soon.

Friday evening, I went to the Browncoat Shindig. I talked a good friend of mine into coming with (she's a little timid about these things), but she overcame her fears and had a good time. It was an opportunity for us to catch up on things. She has, to put it lightly, a very complicated love relationship, and she tends to lose herself, to completely give herself away, which is something that I have done in the past. So being able to talk with her was a good start to the evening.

I also took the opportunity to "be honest" with some mutual/neutral friends (a group of people that know both Eve and I; people that weren't part of the concentrated effort to pull her away from me and push her into the arms of another person). I consider these people to be my friends, and it was painful to think that the hornets had not only driven a wedge between Eve and I, but had also talked bad about me to my friends and caused me to lose them as well.

I was happy - so happy - and relieved - when several faces smiled at me warmly, told me that they were still my friends, that they had nothing to do with what happened over the summer, and that they were as surprised as I was. That's really what I needed to hear. {I guess I was giving the hornets too much credit for being able to manipulate people; that they had somehow convinced everyone to stop being friends with me, to stop communicating with me, etc.} It felt good to reconnect those friends again. To let them know that I really value their friendship, and that I am really not a bad person, and to hear them tell me - that they still like me. In the end, there were lots of warm hugs given and received, and I felt good about confronting my fears and letting go of the past - it felt really good, really healthy to do so.

Saturday was Angel's birthday; it was nice to hear that her father is doing much better (he was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year, but it sounds like he's beaten it). I spent most of the day working on the house, re-doing the electrical myself, and then went to dinner with a new friend, who I will call Mel. Mel is a good twenty years younger than me, but she's probably one of the most fascinating people I know. She and I talk a lot about metaphysical stuff (energy healing, psychic connections, the law of attraction, etc.). She's recently come to the conclusion that she has fallen in love with her ex-boyfriend, and she needed someone to talk to. We had a great conversation, and ended up talking until 2am, but I wasn't tired in the least. We seem to be on parallel paths; both good people, both in love with other people who aren't emotionally available, both struggling to come to grips with the "why can't I find my true love?" question. She is such a sweet and wonderful person, and find myself wanting to protect her, to keep her from experiencing some of the pain that I've had to go through myself.*

Sunday was a long day. The day before, my friend "Dee" had called out of the blue, saying that she was feeling disconnected from all of her friends, and that she wanted to reconnect with all of them, starting with me. {Dee and I have always been close. Our kids practically grew up together, and both of our sons are about to join the Marine Corps at the same time -- they're going in under the "buddy system", so they can train together and be stationed together.}

Anyway, Dee and her husband, and her son and daughter, joined me and my son for breakfast at 8:00 am ... on a Sunday morning ... downtown. I had my doubts about how it was going to turn out, whether or not I'd have a hard time getting up, or getting my son up, etc. - but it all worked out fine. In fact, it worked out better than fine. After breakfast, we went to see a movie matinee (Twilight*), which is a love story between a vampire and a human. Now, normally, I don't care much for vampires, because there's sort of a long-running rivalry - almost a war - between vampires and werewolves, and I'm a werewolf fan. But this movie focused more on the love relationship, how he sacrificed himself to protect her, etc, and there were a few moments where I was genuinely moved by it. (Dee, being a long-time friend of mine, felt an obligation to mock me for crying during those scenes, but she's earned the right to do so; I'm secure in my masculinity, and I can be moved to tears from time to time, and I'm not ashamed of it in the slightest.)

Afterward, I took both of the boys with me, and we paid a visit to a homeless shelter that I am very fond of. It's run by a group of Catholic nuns, and they still have a picture of Steven, when he was only three years old, hanging on the wall. We went there to donate some food and diapers and other necessities that I bought earlier in the week, and for Steven, it was like a trip down memory lane. (He's really "getting" the whole humility and charity thing, and I'm proud to have a son that genuinely cares about other people and is willing to help out.)

We wrapped up the weekend by watching the new James Bond movie (Quantum of Solace), which was pretty much a direct sequel to the last movie (Casino Royale). It's a perfectly reasonable guy movie, and I enjoyed the combination of having seen a chick-flick earlier in the day, and then a straight-up action movie later in the day. -- Balance is important to me.

So tonight, I feel like I am connected to a larger community of friends. I feel really appreciated for who I am. I feel like I am doing good things, carrying my share of the weight, making a difference, being there to support other people, and feeling supported in return.

I'm sleepy, but I'm happy.
Life is good. I am blessed.
People like me.
I belong.

* I won't go into it in this blog, but I experienced some things this weekend that were probably designed to help me "understand" Mother Hornet, by putting me in her shoes, putting me in a place where I was less judgmental, more understanding of the fact that her original motives were probably good ones; that even though I detest her tactics, I can understand and appreciate her motives. I'm going to continue working on this lesson. As long as I live, I will continue to love and forgive - even Mother Hornet. Because in my book, anger is a sign of unresolved issues, and I don't want unresolved issues. I want to get to the point where I no longer feel angry at what she has done or is doing. I certainly can't change the situation, but I can change how I feel and how I react to it, and I'm too good of a person to be holding on to anger like that. I have to resolve it, let it go, and get on with my life. This is something I have to do for my own well-being, and it's time.

1 comment:

Zay said...

Hey stranger! Been a while and I might've made it up to the shindig, but just not feeling all the drama that happens with the crowd right now. It's a long drive (especially when it's cold.)to have to make after feeling the blergh that comes with dealing with some people. 'Tis the season for me to stay closer to home.