Friends first

Big weekend.
StarFest weekend.

We both love Sci-Fi, and we've never been to a big event "together" (that is, since we started dating each other). We both take our Sci-Fi very seriously (for both of us, conventions are about fun, relaxation, friends, parties, etc - a full schedule).

Will the thing that brought us together in the first place, bring us closer together - or, will it become a drag, a nuisance, a "downer" for both of us?

I don't go to too many conventions, really. This is the main one for me. I want to have fun. I know that she wants to have fun too. Hopefully, we can achieve the right balance of togetherness and separateness, and everything will work out fine.

I hope I don't screw up.

I commit myself

I commit myself to trying to make this relationship work - - forever.

I will do everything in my power to make this wonderful for both of us.

If we encounter problems, I will be the first to take responsibility, the first to make changes in myself, and the first to forgive.

As often as possible, I will let her know how much I adore her: I will never hesitate to tell her how beautiful, smart, talented, funny, charming, mischevious and caring she really is.

I will do my best to anticipate her needs and wants; I will be observant about what she likes and doesn't like. I will listen - really listen - to the things she cares about.

I will confide my deepest fears and trust that she will not use that information to harm me, and I will carefully guard and respect every secret that she reveals to me.

I will give her as much freedom as I possibly can. I will not try to control her. She will make her make her own decisions in life, and I will honor her decisions, regardless of the potentail impact on me. I will support her and her decisions always.

I will do my best to be non-possessive. I will do my best to not be jealous or insecure. If I start to feel insecure or jealous, I will let her know how I feel, in a non-threatening, and non-blaming manner.

I will cherish her. I will protect her. I will love her for eternity.

And if one day, she decides that she needs to move on and leave me behind, I will not react with anger or manipulation. I will let her go in peace, with love. Though it would break my heart, I will put her needs above my own.

Regardless of how this turns out, I will continue to love her, forever.

 

This could work

Eve has turned out to be even more caring, fun, and adventurous than I could have possibly imagined.

Although we've had a couple of disagreements over the past few months, they've been pretty mild. In fact, most of the time, we do really well together. And that seems to be a recurring theme: "togetherness".

She's dropped some no-so-subtle-hints about the two of us and a possible future together. Normally, this is where I would make my exit, but ...

I've noticed that I really miss her when she's not around. I find myself wishing we shared a house, so I could snuggle with her all night, (not just particular nights, but every night). Our kids make comments about how we are so good for each other, so much happier together, and they're right (I can feel it).

Last month, we sat on an outdoor swing and talked about the ranch that I want to own someday. She was filling in the details, talking about how I would do this, and she would do that, and how wonderful it would be. She's good at helping me define my dreams.

A couple of weeks ago, my son made a comment about the two of us sitting in front of the television, watching one of my (our) favorite reality shows. "That's a sign" he said, and the two of us couldn't help but laugh. He's right.

I've talked with my closest friends and family, and they all agree - this woman is good for me, and they can picture us being together for a long time. We make a good team. We're a lot alike. She accepts me the way that I am (the good, the bad, and the ugly). Being around her feels natural and right.

So, I'm faced with a decision: I can stay on my current path, and die a happy bachelor, or I can jump into something that makes no sense from a logical standpoint, but feels better than anything I've known before. Happiness, it seems, is greatly amplified, when you find the right person to be with.

Yep, I think this could work.
(Stay tuned to this channel ... )

 

Baggage Claim

Sometimes life takes you down a notch ... or three.

You sit there, straddling your white horse, preaching to the world about how things should be. "Ah", you ponder, "If only everyone could have a life like mine. No worries, no drama, just a walk in the clouds, day after day."

Then it hits you. Like a big, gnarly tree-branch, straight to the gut.

Slowly, you open your eyes, watching the clouds floating effortlessly overhead. "What am I doing here?", you ask yourself, "and why does my chest hurt so much?"

"Ah", the voice says. "Looks like you took a pretty good fall off that horse of yours. You're going to need some stitches for that - - need a hand?"

Baggage Check:
- Lack of confidence in maintaining good relationships
- Major challenges at home
- Making stuff up when I don't have all the facts

Greatest gift

"The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers."

Thich Nhat Hanh
(Vietnamese Buddhist Monk)

Shame

Sometimes
I look back
at who I used to be
and I am ashamed.

I've paid my pennance
I've saved my soul
But I cannot go back
and erase the past.

All I can do
is be the best me
that I am today
no more.

Blue funk

I woke up blue today.
And I'm not sure just why.
Everything else is so golden.

The Boys had a Christmas Party last night.
Everybody was thrilled to meet Eve.
I danced for the first time in years.

I guess my soul is used to being sad.
Why can't I just enjoy being happy?
(Actually, I do, most days).

But today I'm a little bit blue.
I don't know why.
Hope I feel better soon.