The Next Level

Day 65.

We had a great conversation (again) last night. It seems that we can talk about anything and everything. She makes me laugh so much, my side hurts {moo!}.

She is so ... right for me.

It's a little bit scary, but it's also quite awesome.

 

Assembly required

Purchased a new weight training machine today. Decided to save myself $95 in delivery and setup charges by assembling the pieces myself ... finally finished the job five hours later (whew).

Walked several miles, did some light housecleaning, and watched a movie ("Stranger Than Fiction"). Interesting story, but I'm thinking that "Bandidas" will be more enjoyable. (Penelope Cruz and Selma Hayek = muy caliente'!!)

Tomorrow I have homework to do. (Finally found a copy of "Love Actually").

Life is good.

The sweetest debt

Day 57.

We had a good talk last night.

When the conversation first started, we were both a little rough around the edges. It had been several days since we had spoken, and the words just didn't "flow" as gracefully as they usually do.

She explained that she hasn't been feeling well lately, and (like me), she tends to avoid other people when she is trying to heal. I explained that I have been a little cranky lately due to lack of nicotine (oh yeah, I quite smoking when Adam arrived).

At that point, it was already late. We could have simply ended the conversation there and gone to bed. Nothing wrong with that - it would have been a perfectly acceptable thing to do; and any normal person probably would have done so.

But then, the two of us have never been "ordinary".

The conversation went deeper. We shared some mutual frustrations about not being contacted by the other person (and defended our reasons for not being the one to initiate contact). It may sound silly, but in the final analysis, neither one of us wanted to call the other person, because we were both trying to show kindness and respect for the other person. (For example, she didn't want to call too late in the evening, and I didn't want to bother her on the weekends, because are her workdays).

Consider that thought for just a moment. We caused frustration for ourselves and each other, because we were genuinely trying to be considerate. Isn't that a beautiful thing? I mean, if we had allowed this to happen because we were trying to be selfish or mean-spirited, there would have been an entirely different lesson to be learned. But how can one stay angry at the other, when it becomes clear that the MOTIVES behind their actions were good and right?

So once again, we shared our innermost thoughts with each other. Once again, we left ourselves open to analysis and criticism from the other. And once again, we came away with a better understanding and a higher opinion of each other.

Unlike so many other people in my life, SHE is willing to challenge me when I am being pig-headed. SHE is willing to be the voice of reason when I start to lose touch with reality. SHE speaks softly, firmly - echoing the lessons of trust, honesty, and acceptance.

These are virtues that I once wore like a brilliant coat of arms. But slowly, over the years, I allowed myself to become disenchanted, jaded, and dark. My optimism and faith had been subjected to a slow decay, the crisp edges had started to rust and I wasn't even aware of how tarnished I had really become.

Thus, it is an especially strange feeling for me, when I find myself listening to her gentle reminders; when she takes the time to correct areas that I once had mastered.

I am so thankful to have this woman in my life. I am so fortunate to have met her. Since that first day, she has been a source of motivation and strength for me. She inspires me to be a better ME. She reminds me to be gentle with myself and others. She has the courage to tell me when I'm behaving badly. She is patient and wise beyond her years. She is so right for me, on so many levels, and I thank God for bringing us together.

I am beginning to shed the ugly shell that I had wrapped myself in for so many years. My mind and my body are starting to recover from years of abuse and neglect. And to a large degree, SHE was the catalyst that got it all started.

I owe her the sweetest of debts. A debt that can never be repaid. She didn't just give herself to me, she has given me back myself. There is no gift that is more valuable to a man; no treasure that can compare. This is her gift. This is her magic. She gives it freely. She gives without end. And now, she has given it to me.

Other men would kill or die to experience her the way that I do. Truly, I am the luckiest man in the world, and I feel blessed to have this woman in my life. Her beauty shines from within, and it casts away shadow and doubt. No woman has ever been more deserving of love and respect. She is the rarest of diamonds, and I adore her.

I won't question it any more. I will simply accept it. (Thank you, Angel.)

Crazy

Missing you.

Riding the tide

Day 50.

Conversations that last through the night.
Dreams, confessions, mistakes, obsessions.
Risking more than we have ever risked before.

Breaking through the walls, brick by brick.
How deep can we go? How close can we get?
Stepping into the void, onward to uncertainty.

Hoping for the best, bracing for the worst.
(Can I trust you more than I trust myself?)
I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want me to get hurt.

Please don't terminate this connection.
Please don't terminate this connection.

Nobody makes me feel the way that you do.
Nobody makes me think as much as you do.
There is nobody else like you.

Two people lost in the ocean.
Holding on to nothing but each other.
(Shhhh. Don't let go. I am here.)

Is this love, or is it need?

Inside my chrysalis

The workout programs are starting to have a positive effect.

Went 3 miles after work today and hardly even broke a sweat (by contrast, I had real problems going 1 mile 10 days ago). Arms and shoulders are starting to become more defined, and legs are getting stronger. Frankly, I didn't expect to see results this quickly, but I am certainly not complaining <... well, actually, I do complain sometimes ... but that usually happens while I'm exercising, not when I'm here at the keyboard ...>

I feel good! I mean really GOOOOOD. (Lots of energy, no aches or pains).

Adam surprised me by neatly organizing everything in the kitchen (it occurs to me that he arranged things almost exactly the way that I would have, which leads me to believe that men are slightly better at organizing things into logical groupings (sorry, ladies).

Busy day tomorrow - the big boss wants to talk with me.

My favorite plum

My favorite plum
     hangs so far from me
See how it sleeps
     and hear how it calls to me

See how the flesh
     presses the skin,
It must be bursting
     with secrets within,

But, I've seen the rest, yes
     and that is the one for me
I've seen the best, yes
     and that is the one for me

<...Suzanne Vega,"My Favorite Plum"-Lyrics-Listen...>